What your inner critic sounds like and the stories it tells has a lot to do with the kinds of messages you received growing up. Initially, the inner critic develops as a way of protecting us. Our inner critic serves a powerful purpose. Like this, it helps us survive — ensuring we maintain the connection we so desperately need.
They literally become us. And whilst they might have helped us as we were growing up, they hold us back from reaching our potential in adult life. If guilt is a familiar emotion to you, these belief systems about yourself and what you should be doing were likely passed down to you.
The great crusaders of modernity were supposed to uproot our guilt. The subject of countless high-minded critiques, guilt was accused by modern thinkers of sapping the life out of us and causing our psychological deterioration.
It was said to make us weak Nietzsche , neurotic Freud , inauthentic Sartre. In the latter part of the 20th century, various critical theories gained academic credibility, particularly within the humanities. These were theories that sought to show — whether with reference to class relations, race relations, gender relations — how we are all cogs in a larger system of power.
We may play our parts in regimes of oppression, but we are also at the mercy of forces larger than us. As a teacher of critical theory, I know how crucial and revelatory its insights can be.
When wielded indelicately, explanatory theories can offer their adherents a foolproof system for knowing exactly what view to hold, with impunity, about pretty much everything — as if one could take out an insurance policy to be sure of always being right. The notion that our intellectual frameworks might be as much a reaction to our guilt as a remedy for it might sound familiar to a religious person.
His guilt is a constant, nagging reminder that he has taken this wrong turn. Could that be the reason for our guilt?
Not our lack of knowledge — but rather our presumption of it? When we feel guilty we at least have the comfort of being certain of something — of knowing, finally, the right way to feel, which is bad. By the end of the story, it has been discovered which culprit is guilty: case closed. Thus guilt, in its popular rendering, is what converts our ignorance into knowledge.
Our feelings of guilt may be a confession, but they usually precede the accusation of any crime — the details of which not even the guilty person can be sure.
One can just as well recount a more recent and assuredly secular story of the fall of man. In other words, guilt is our unassailable historical condition. As such, says Adorno, we all have a shared responsibility after Auschwitz to be vigilant, lest we collapse once more into the ways of thinking, believing and behaving that brought down this guilty verdict upon us. To make sense after Auschwitz is to risk complicity with its barbarism.
For Adorno too, then, our knowledge renders us guilty, rather than keeping us safe. For a modern mind, this could well seem shocking. Inappropriate guilt often leads to depression, anxiety disorders, and sometimes thoughts of physical harm. Sometimes, we may not be able to judge the circumstances correctly, and guilt can alter our actions, and give rise to defence mechanisms to further avoid guilt.
Wallowing in that guilt can lead to a lot of negativity. There could be mistakes you are guilty of having committed. But do you know where the problem lies? It pops up when you start doubting yourself in everything you do. You should never be guilty for being assertive, and saying no. Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others: Guilt is often caused by a feeling of underperforming.
When you are stressed, you are more likely to fall prey to such self-sabotaging thoughts. The first step to defeating guilt may be to take better care of yourself. You cannot be anything to anyone whether boss, friend, spouse, parent, etc. Get some sleep. Create those moments during the day, no matter how short.
If you block them in your agenda and create a habit, within no time it will be second nature. Prioritize: All of your conflicting priorities are, of course, at the heart of guilt. Respect the person who took that decision i. When you decide, mentally stand by what you have chosen. At work, for example, make a list of your current tasks, and map them on a grid of importance x-axis and urgency y-axis.
If you are able to and technology helps a lot with this , estimate how much time you spend on each of your tasks. If you find that there are tasks that are neither important nor urgent but that are very time consuming, see whether you can delegate them, do them more efficiently, or simply stop doing them.
Ask for help. Research shows that asking people to do things for you actually makes them like you more. Sounds like a win-win situation to us!
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